The Twilight Guy: Who Are You?

So You're a guy & you think you hate Twilight...

Well, check out these guys who just can't resist temptation...lately they have been speaking up!

FROM All Things Considered, May 27, 2009 · Listen to the interview here.

My Guilty Pleasure is a new series in which writers talk about the books they've loved only secretly — until now. There are — news flash here — true differences between men and women.

A friend who has twins (one boy, one girl) told me the story of when they were down at a pond, and the young twins spotted a cute little duck. The little girl said, "I want to pet the duck." The little boy said, "I want to kill the duck." 

I rest my case.

And with that gender gauntlet thrown, let me say to you as a meat-eating, Entourage-watching, sports-loving (OK, I really don't love sports, or actually understand sports) — heterosexual man who can't sit through a single show onLifetime television, let me loudly proclaim: I, Brad Meltzer, love the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer.

Now this is the part where I'm supposed to make an intellectual disclaimer like: I don't really love it, but I appreciate it for what it is.

But let me be clear here. I love it. I love Twilight. I love Bella, and I love Edward.

I'm not alone. Since it debuted in 2005, the Twilight series has sold over 53 million copies, making it the hottest thing in bookshops since that nerdy kid with the lightning-bolt scar.

But back to what's really important: Me.

I love this story of the gawky, awkward girl who falls in love with the brooding vampire. And I love that she can't get sexual with said vampire because when her blood gets pumping, it'll send him into a frenzy and he'll kill her. (How's that for a prophylactic?)

I love hearing the dark secret histories of how the other vampires were turned into vampires. And I love when Edward gets all huffy with Jacob the werewolf — oh my God, I'm on the verge of writing fan-fic here — but again, in case you missed it, I love this story.

But for the most part, I've told almost no one.

Y'know why?

Because as a man, this book is not supposed to be for me.

I realized this when I went to see the Twilight movie. Yes, I was there. Opening weekend. We got a babysitter for it. And I sat there in the dark with my wife and a roomful of suburban mothers and a smattering of teenage daughters. I counted. There were four other men (all teenagers) besides me. Me. Four dragged-along boyfriends. And the rest women.

But you know who I blame for this?

I blame my fellow men. That's right. I blame all the men out there who point fingers and call things "girlie" and run like spineless cowards whenever something gets embraced by the opposite sex.

It happens all the time. Remember when men were named Terry and Robin and Leslie? And then a few cool girls were named Teri and Robin and Leslie. And what happened? The men ran. Those names were ceded to the women.

To be honest, I can handle that for Leslie. Leslie is just not a cool name (no offense to Leslie Sydelman, who came to my bar mitzvah). But I will not let this stand for Twilight. We'd never dismiss Romeo and Juliet as "just for women." (Yes, I know — I'm not saying it's Shakespeare, and I still think Harry Potter is better — but don't mess up my analogy.) I won't cede Twilight.

And so I challenge — not the men out there; the men are clearly wusses — I challenge the women. Give Twilight to your teenage sons. Give it to your nephews and husbands and other guy types. Tell them it's cool. Tell them they'll like it. Tell them that it'll help them understand women and therefore help them get dates (c'mon, why else do you think I spent so much time with Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret)

And I issue this challenge — not for sexual equality, not to break down gender barriers. I issue it for the most vital reason of all: The sequel is coming, and I'm tired of being the only guy in the movie theater. 

"My Guilty Pleasure" is produced and edited by Ellen Silva.

Brad Meltzer's Website: http://www.bradmeltzer.com/comics/Default.aspx

Urban Dictionary (Yes, there is actually a separate word for it. It's just that redic...): TWIGUY http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=twiguy

Here's some more TWIGUY humor: 

The "Twilight Guy" http://www.twilightguy.com/

TO THE GUYS, You’ve seen it before. Maybe you’ve stumbled upon your girlfriend penciling portraits of some guy who is Certainly Not You, while she swears it’s ‘just Edward’. Or perhaps you’ve tried to call a girl on the phone only to have her mom say she’s busy reading a book whose title has something to do with moons or various stages of light. Or maybe you overheard a chattering, giggling crowd talking about some new guy named Jacob Black, and thought it must be a rockstar or actor; and then you hear them say how much they would love to have their boyfriend bite them, and you run from the room as fast as you can, only to find that you are completely wrong, in the dark, and very behind on the times.

For, fellows, the thing the girls are all talking about is a book.

Once you found out about all this frenzy, you may or may not have cracked open a copy of Twilight (in secret, of course). Either you wanted to know what they were crazy about, or you wanted to know How To Become The Living Edward Cullen. No matter why you got to it, somehow Stephenie Meyer has cast a spell over this planet, and now us guys are starting to feel the bite as well.

If you have experienced this strange phenomenon in any way (as I have on many occasions), I really would like to hear from you about your experiences of reading Twilight. You could win some prizes and get a mention on the site (anonymously, if need be):